A selection from my latest article:

"How can a family, particularly a Catholic family open to life, be a sign of hope to the world? How can you be the Gospel for people when you are completely fatigued from wiping noses, cleaning food off walls, and bribing two year olds with Smarties for using the potty? You cannot give what you do not first have, and I think many Catholic families struggle with day-to-day life. "Lord make me a channel of Your peace" is replaced with "Lord, if that kid spits on me one more time! I swear I'm gonna..."

And further:

"People sleep train kids. They day-care train them to handle day after day in the care of others. I say, why not prayer-train them? Not every day will be perfect, just as not every day in prayer is an overwhelming success. But it can be done, and by God’s grace, done well. Only by silent mental prayer (in addition to family vocal prayer) can a family fulfill its mission to the world."

Read the rest of it over at Bravest Thing. Click HERE.

Photo credit: pixtastock.com

Things You Don't Say To Your Wife

Too good not to post. Thankfully I never, ever, say these things. Right dear? 

Ok, maybe the mom's cooking thing comes out a bit...

Wives, love your husbands...

The last post concerned the lead up to our marriage. Things are going well, I think. Becca made a game plan when we first got married. It is based off of the following:

For my part, yes, work is incredibly hard. I need to be nurtured with a cold or hot drink when I come home. To sit on the couch and not be bothered by noisy children or dust on a table. I feel renewed in body and spirit, especially when she offers to take off my shoes, and speaks in a soft, soothing and pleasant voice. I think these points are the keys to a happy marriage.

More like...

Momentville/DannyandBecca: Preserving our Past

Becca and I have been married for nearly 7 years now. I was recalling how I used to blog at a website called momentville.com. Remember that? I went to go check out the blog. However, it's since been shut down. They did have a way to retrieve old blog posts, so I have done so. I am re-posting them here more for our sake, that we don't lose them. Read them if you want, or go do something more useful with your time. Yikes my writing wasn't very good back then. Maybe it still isn't? And holy moly where did all those crazy dreams come from?

From Momentville/DannyandBecca:

Our Stories

Her Story

Born April 7, 1986, in Hamilton, Ontario. Red-haired Rebecca loves nature, music, people, and just life in general. She has 5 siblings, one of whom also has red hair and she has a dog (who also has red hair).

His Story

Born November 2nd, 1983, in Nipawin Saskatchewan. I play hockey, go to school, work out, play music, work at OLSWA, have 6 siblings (one of whom is a priest), and so on and so forth.

Our Story

He was a boy, she was a girl, can I make it anymore obvious?
No Avril, there's more to the story than that. Becca and I met at Our Lady Seat of Wisdom Academy in Barry's Bay in the fall of 2005. We went to school together for two years. Then I went to school at Redeemer (by Hamilton) while Becca stayed at OLSWA. Then Becca went to Redeemer while I went to work at OLSWA. And finally this past year we are once again living in the same town.
Becca and I at first did not get along. She thought I was arrogant, and I thought she talked too much. Yes, nothing's changed... except that now we do get along.
We were engaged June 13, 2009, and will be married April 10, 2010

The Proposal

Nope, it didn't happen on the top of a mountain. It was more like this:
We went to town (Nipawin) to buy some groceries for my mom and, when in the produce section, we both reached to grab a watermelon. Our hands touched, lightning struck, and we both looked into each others' eyes. At that moment, I fell on my knee and proposed to Rebecca using a bagel as a ring. Aisle one of the Co-op grocery store will always be special for us!
No no no. It was actually more like... we went to town to buy groceries for my mom, but stopped at the church first to pray a rosary. Needless to say, I was shaking during the rosary; however, Becca didn't know what was going on. After the rosary I called Becca to the sacristy (right by the santuary) to show her the parish's new chalices (not entirely a lie since the parish had just bought some new ones). When there I pretended to look for them, and had her open up some cupboards as well. Eventually, after staring at one cupboard in particular for a while, Becca finally noticed the ring proudly sitting there. She said something like "are you serious" and then I proposed, she said yes, and all is well.

Gift Registry: Matrimoney...

Seeing as we will most likely be moving several times within the next 3 years, receiving a large number of gifts will only create problems for us when it is time to move. In other words, we need to live lightly over the next 2-3 years. There is one thing that will help us signficantly, however, and not be a hassle when we move around: money. And so, we respectfully ask that all gifts simply be monetary contributions.
Thank you for your understanding.

 There is one way, however, to give an actual gift. You can mail it to Nipawin, SK, where Rebecca and I will be based (for the most part) after our wedding. The address is:

Daniel and Rebecca Millette

Box 2961

Nipawin, Saskatchewan

S0E 1E0

and now...

The Wedding Blog

January 14

So I started a website today, I haven't done that since my first year of university. Alas, wedding planning is time consuming. And it's all done for one little day! Well, this day will come and go, but the memories will always remain...
I've been reading too many sappy internet wedding planning sites. Anyway, I hope to keep you all updated as to how things are going with the planning and such.
God Bless,
Dan

January 14, 2010

January 25

This weekend Rebecca and I went down to Brantford to do some shopping and visiting. Actually, I ended up playing more hockey than anything, but that's ok. The visiting was good, and much was accomplished shopping too. Additional invitations were bought, while other things were returned. Groomsman shirts and ties were purchased (Rider Green lives!!!!!!!! Wahoo!!), gifts were also picked up. Oh, yeah, and we also bought our wedding bands. I don't think I'd ever really put a ring on my finger before (as we were trying it out). It was an odd feeling to say the least. Maybe I can make my ring into an earring and wear it on my left ear? Or tie it on my skate laces for good luck? I'm sure it'll be like many things with marriage, you just don't know what it'll be like 'til you try it.
For now though, I must spend the day morning the loss of all the money I spent over the weekend. So much money I tell you. I'm never getting married again after this.
Dan

January 25, 2010

January 29 (71 more days)

Yesterday was the Feast of Saint Thomas Aquinas, one of the very best. For some reason I kept thinking of our cat Buck. You see, Buck is a big big black and white cat. Hence, he looks like a large Dominican. Well, Aquinas was a large Dominican. The only difference is that Buck has a moustache, and only liberal clergy wear moustaches, therefore Buck is a liberal Dominican. Yes, as Aquinas once noted, all analogies ultimately fall short.
That has nothing to do with the wedding however. Let's see... Becca and I went to the town office at 8:15 this morning in 30 below weather to apply for a marriage licence. What a $100 cash grab by the gov't! They don't even recognize the marriage banns from the Church anymore. And, 12 weeks after our wedding, we have to send the gov't $15 more just to confirm that we are married. There is so much involved in getting married, I really am shocked that so many people go through with it anyway. Maybe they are simply heeding St. Paul's words: "it is better to marry than be on fire." Yeesh. Don't worry Becca, that's not why I'm getting married. This is probably the time for me to stop writing...
Dan

January 29, 2010

January 31 (Holy Altar Boy Batman)

Today Becca left to go babysit the Gensens and so I won't see her for a few days. I am all alone, free to do whatever I want. I would go on about how I must enjoy these last few moments of freedom, yet I keep wondering how she's doing out there. I guess this kind of freedom isn't all that satisfying.
Nevertheless, today I was thinking about the topic of altar serving. I've been a regular up at the altar at St. Hedwig's for the past few years. This year, being engaged while also having Becca around, was supposed to bring an end to my serving career. However, there is a shortage of young men willing to consistently go up there to read and serve everyday. John Paul Meenan does most of the head serving these days, and he does a heck of a job, but I still help out for the Monday and Wednesday evening Masses, as well as one of the early Friday morning Masses each week. All these single young men around here, and still it's the engaged guy going up to serve at these Masses. I could go on about how they are missing so many blessings by not serving, but that's for another day. What I was going to talk about was should I continue to serve, even as a married man? I mean, there is something innate about a young man serving and discerning his vocation. It would seem that if I'm married, I won't be discerning like that anymore. Yes, it would seem. However, I really really enjoy serving, it is one of the greatest things in the world to me. Plus, there still is a need for me to serve (at least three times a week). Plus, Deacons are regularly up at the altar, and the ones around here are married. Therefore, all things considered, I will probably serve from time to time when I'm married. That is, if Becca will let me.
Alas, I must be going. I have to go serve for rosary and benediction right now.
Dan

January 31, 2010

February 2 (Feast of the Presentation)

First off, please pray for the souls of Paul Sanders and Janine Lieu who lost their lives in Lake Kaminiskeg two years ago today. May they rest in peace.
Today is the feast of the Presentation. A good excuse to sing at Mass: "the light of Christ... has come into the world..." Anyway, I just wanted to pass on a link:
http://www.lifesitenews.com/ldn/2010/feb/10020110.html
Here Pope Benedict speaks on the marriage annulment process and how marriages are to be held valid unless proven otherwise. In his reasoning he states that "charity without justice is not charity, only a counterfeit." Wonderful. So... there's no easy out for Rebecca and I. Fortitude is a must in marriage, as it is in any vocation. No easy out... no easy out... Hmm... I need new shoes, my feet seem to be getting colder... No easy out... for crying out loud, someone turn up the heat in this building!... no easy out... no easy out... ahh!!!...
Just kidding Bec, I can't wait!

February 02, 2010

February 4

First off, I know many of you have expressed how you would like to be able to add comments after my blogs. If I knew how to add this function, I would. I apologize. For instance, Becca has told me that she would write about how happy she is with me, my blogs, my everything. In fact, she told me that she wishes to tell everyone how she is the luckiest girl in the world to be marrying me. Right Becca? You did say that, right?
One thing that has intrigued me greatly throughout this engagement period is watching how other local families raise their kids. Some things that Rebecca and I see are beautiful, and we hope to imitate such methods. Other things... well, not a chance. As a general rule, I would have to say: use common sense. Ironically, common sense isn't all that common. As a sister of mine once said: "am I the only one here with half-a-brain?"
Dan

February 04, 2010

February 5 (I Dreamed a Dream...)

I had a brilliant idea just now... why not start putting the blogs in order from oldest to newest! Brilliant, simply brilliant! I'm sure you can all tell who has the brains in the relationship.
Oh, never mind, it's too complicated to figure out how to do it. Just never mind.
So I dreamed about getting married last night, again. I've had so many dreams about this already, and it usually has to do with something going wrong. Last night I was all set to walk down the aisle with Becca, but I just couldn't for the life of me find my shoes. I called to Stephen (best man) to lend me his shoes, but he took off and left me there, shoeless. The jerk. So the wedding happened and at the reception Becca showed up in a helicopter and started flying me around Toronto. Her goal, it seemed, was to keep dodging the CN Tower by as narrow a margin as possible. Needless to say, we eventually had a crash landing at the foot of the tower. And that's when my mom showed up, she was mad at us for missing the morning brunch with the family, and so she grabbed our arms and brought us home to live with her.
This is just one dream of many I've had. I've had it where I can't find the church when going to get married. I've ripped my suit minutes before the wedding. I've lost my suit minutes before the wedding. I've been 15 minutes away from the wedding Mass and then realized I forgot to get a choir, pick readings, and set up for Mass. Once I showed up at the church and no one was there. That's when Bishop Mulhall of the Pembroke diocese showed up and brought me to his office (in the choir loft of St. Hedwig's) and told me that I was to be ordained. I can only imagine what the next 64 days (or nights, I should say) will bring.
Dan

February 05, 2010

Wedding Blog 2 (2 Months!)

Just two more months until April 10th, and one of those months is short.
Yesterday Rebecca and I met with a very talented young musician who will be taking charge of the music at the wedding Mass. All I can do is apologize to all of you folks who will be coming for the wedding and then returning afterwords to your home parishes to listen to strummy guitar at Mass. You'll never be able to go back to the regular hippy garbage after you hear the wonderful choir at the wedding!
On another note, one that has nothing to do with the wedding, I'm going to watch the Sens and Caps on Thursday night in Ottawa! We'll see how good this Ovechkin guy really is, especially when he has me heckling him all night.
Dan

February 13

It's gotten to the point where I just want to get married so that I don't have to plan the wedding anymore. Planning a wedding was something I always dreaded, and it certainly has lived up to its billing. For the record, if anyone is expecting a $50,000 wedding then you'd better realize now that it won't be. There won't be silk napkins, or stretch limos, or expensive bands playing. Instead you're getting a wedding of two people who have spent a combined 10 years in university over the past 6 years. The wedding Mass will be beautiful, the reception will be simple and fun, and hopefully God will be at the centre of everything. With that in mind, even a $50,000 wedding seems shallow and empty compared to a wedding that has the Lord as the centre.
God willing, Deo-volente, this wedding will be the richest of weddings, because we pray that God will be seen as the source and summit of all we are doing and accomplishing.
Dan

Family Day (Feb. 15)

Today is February 15, and as the old Bud light greeting cards used to say: "let's make February 15th our Valentine's Day." Today is also family day. To celebrate I am spending the entire day at work, alone. But tomorrow we'll head to Ottawa to skate on the canal. I figure there'll be less people tomorrow. It seems to me that February 15 also is/was flag day. It's funny how I can remember the most obscure dates, yet can't even remember where I put my shoes some days.
I've had a few more bad dreams in the past week. Two nights ago I dreamt I was a homeless man living on the banks of a polluted river in Hamilton. All these people I know stopped by to see me. They told me how life was so good for them. Basically the theme of the dream was that I was living pennyless by the river because I had gotten married, while everyone else who didn't get married was doing just fine. Really, I'm not making this up. The only part that makes me wonder is: why was I alone if I was married?...
Dan

February 19

Only 37 more days! That's so exciting! Oh, and by 37 I mean only 37 more days of lent. There's actually 50 days until the wedding.

Becca is away on a retreat this weekend, please pray for her. I, on the other hand, will be working on an essay explaining, in great detail, how the old law prepares the way for the new law. And so, we will be apart for the weekend, yet again. Same deal next weekend as well. If nothing else, I should be able to get a lot of work done.

50 more days. Gosh, things are closing in fast. It seems just like yesterday when we we at 100 days. Actually, it seems just like yesterday when I was growing up in Saskatchewan. How did life move so quickly?

It sounds like I'm the one who will need a good retreat soon.

Dan

Go Canada Go!

Written at the time of Canada's Olympic Gold Medal game against the US.

Nothing much to say. I've been sicker than sick the last three days. Becca's been gone, leaving me on my own, only to collapse half-way to the kitchen in a feable attempt to make some melaleuca tea. But, Canada is set to play the US in roughly two hours. Please boys, bring me some cheer. I changed my soap in my bathroom to the melaleuca gold bar soap. Why? Because I believe.

Dan

March 2

39 more days, so much to do, so very much to do. It never ceases to amaze me how, as long as Rebecca and I try our best, God just keeps taking care of things.

Well, the marriage license is ready, the family has a cabin booked, and the liturgy is almost nearly all taken care of. The reception still needs a lot of work, and there are a million details to attend to, but I can be morally certain at this point that there will in fact be a wedding on April 10th.

Oh, and we finally got our rings in! After getting a fitting when we first ordered them (in Brantford) I tried mine on. It actually fit over my thumb. I mean, this ring is way too big. I know I've been sick lately and so my hands have probably shrunk a bit, and I did have cleaning stuff on my hands, but this ring was ridiculously too big. Maybe after a workout or two, to get the blood pumping in me again, the ring will fit better. Otherwise, back the shop.

Dan

March 8

Holy Jumpin, just 33 more days!

Last night I dreamt that I showed up at the church for the wedding and most of the choir, servers, and congregation were missing. The choir director said he couldn't do the songs without a full cast of singers, and so he had to do a Beatles song instead for a communion hymn.

Where was Becca in all this? She wasn't there either. So there was no wedding. I went home dejected, in utter disbelief that this had happened. When finally I caught up to Becca later I asked why she didn't show up for the wedding. She said that she had decided last minute to wait a few more days when the weather would be nicer and that she told some people about it, but not everyone.

Dan

ONE MONTH LEFT

One more month.
One more month to watch "Around the Horn" while I eat supper everynight.
One more month to leave my clothes on the floor before I go to bed, because I'll just be wearing the same thingthe next day anyway .
One more month to eat cereal for supper, whenever I want to.
One more month of dreams where something goes terribly wrong at the wedding.
One more month to have total, total, control over my money.
Sigh, one more month of loneliness.

Awwww.
- Dan

Say Yes to Dress? (March 16)

Here I am, all alone in the early hours of the morning. It's amazing what less than 4 weeks to the wedding can do to my sleep.
I was away in Brantford all weekend. I went into Moores hoping to buy some new dress pants, but ended up trying on a suit ($199 is a pretty good sale). The guy looked at the jacket I was trying on and then suggested I try on one a size smaller in order "to bring out your upper body physique more." Sigh. Yes, I fell for the salesman's flattery and ended up buying the suit. How could I say no?
When I got back to Becca's family's house I went to the room I was sleeping in so that I could get some stuff. I heard a scream as I headed in. Someone shouted that I couldn't go in that room. Why? Because "The Dress" was in there. At that point, being rather tired of hearing about "The Dress" all weekend, I walked in the room anyway. And so, I saw the dress. Now it will rain on our wedding day. Now our kids will have 6 toes on each foot, and our marriage will be over within 7 years. Now black cats will follow me around the rest of my days, and my gravestone will topple over when I'm dead. All because I saw "The Dress."

"When you believe in things
That you don't understand,
Then you suffer,
Superstition ain't the way."

-Stevie Wonder

Dan

March 22 - It suits me fine

My blogs seem to be few and far between these days. Clearly I'm not at all interested in this wedding. That, or I'm so busy planning it that I haven't had time for blogs.
So yesterday Becca saw "the suit." She was over for brunch and I tried on my new suit/shirt/tie/shoes. Therefore, not only did she see the suit, but she saw me wearing it! I expect a large uproar from people: "What! She saw you in "the suit"?!? or "So much for a special wedding day!"
I'm having too much fun taking shots at many of these wedding traditions, and seeing people react all shocked and concerned. I mean, it's not like we're going to have liturgical dancing and poetry at our wedding Mass.

Or will we?...
Dan

March 29 - 12 days of Marriage

It feels like the 12 days of Christmas. There are only 12 days until the wedding, and it's been snowing all morning.

I was in Ottawa on Saturday at a beautiful retreat put on by St. Clement's latin Mass parish. I must say, I've found that having the wedding during the Octave of Easter has been completely ideal, and I would highly recommend it to anyone. The lenten preparation has coincided perfectly with, and thus aided, our own spiritual preparation for marriage. And I'm sure the joy of the Easter season will make the wedding all the more special. Or, I should say, the joy of the wedding will make the Easter season all the more special.

I'll just end with a reflection I had on technology. Wow, technology sure has changed. There's so much you can do now. For instance, one could take a home video and add a different face on a character, and people would be confused as to who is really in the video. I mean, if someone were to, say, dance like Elvis, then someone could insert another face in the way. So I ask you to consider these things when watching home videos. The odds are that the person is the video has only been added electronically. You know, it's probably not really them in the video, but just someone acting as an imposter.

Just keep that in mind...

Dan

Entering into the tomb.. together... sort of

And so Becca and I prepare to enter into the mysteries of the Triduum, to be together for it in the magnificence of the institution, the suffering of the passion, and the joy of the resurrection. Except, of course, I'll be serving for all of that and she'll be somewhere in the congregation.

The poor girl.

So I had another dream. This time our choir director and musician, Alec McCune, played some rock songs for our wedding Mass. Everyone looked at me accusingly as if I had planned it that way. I didn't, and yet, in my pride, I tried to act as if the rock music was good for Mass. Anything's better than admitting I had made a mistake, I guess. Well Becca wasn't too thrilled with that. She refused to sit with me for the Mass and instead sat with her family. While saying our vows she just glared at me. It was a very tense and awkward moment in the church

Please Alec, just stick to the church hymns.

Dan

That Sinking in Feeling

April 4, 2010

Happy Easter everyone! I'm quite exhausted from MCing the Triduum the past three days.

This is the final week. You know, it's all starting to sink in. Beforehand the wedding always seemed somewhat distant. I'd tell myself that I'd have to get past Lent and the Triduum. Well, now those days are long gone.

What does it feel like now that it's sinking in? Honestly, it's quite unsettling. It's hard to think about how I will never be able to live my life on my own after this week. I mean, I like being a bachelor! I've grown quite accustomed to doing things my way, and to have the time and space to do them in. But it'll all end soon. Sometimes it feels like I'm losing something in life. Like a part of me will be missing.

That's how I feel if I don't take it to prayer. In reality, if I pray about it I don't at all think that I'm losing something. I know that I'm actually gaining something; something very special. Something necessary for my life, and my salvation.

On the weekend Fr. Murray Kemper of Madonna House, who was helping out Fr. Shalla, said in a homily that when St. Peter at first refused to have Our Lord wash his feet, he wasn't refusing in humility, but rather St. Peter was refusing to let Christ work in his life at that moment. He was scared of the challenges that change would bring. He wanted things to remain as they were. But, as Fr. said, life without change, and without the cross, is not life at all. Real life demands change, and it demands the cross. And who doesn't want to live a life that's real? As Neil Young says: "I wanna live, I wanna give."

So to summarize, although a little nervous, I'm actually very very excited for this weekend! "My heart is ready oh God, my heart is ready."

Dan

2 or 1 more sleep(s)

Just two more sleeps until the wedding. Although it could quite possibly just be one more sleep... with the final night involving a lot of tossing and turning.
People have been asking me if I've had any more dreams about the wedding. Well. not that I know of. I have, however, planned the wedding liturgy extensively in my sleep, and woken up at 4am only to continue planning it according to what I already had thought of in the dream. And sometimes I can't get back to sleep. When it's on my mind it just won't leave. But hopefully I can just sleep tonight. I'm pretty tired. The hall was decorated today (thanks to Maja and all the wonderful volunteers!). Also, my parents arrived this evening. All in all, I'm just sort of ready to get on with it. There are still things that pop into my head (Becca and I just got back from an hour of adoration, and I was worried throughout that I would forget the rings), but it's time to go through with this. God brought us together, and it's definitely the right time. It's a very very peaceful feeling deep down.
Well, I'll see you on the otherside of the wedding. Say a prayer for Rebecca and I please.
Dan

Then

Now

With or Without Kids

Today is Emilie's baptism day. I've been up since 5am, clearly too excited to get back to sleep. I was reading some Fr. Z. Here is a made up, yet very true, example of how contraception kills a marriage, and how children aid a marriage:

Within the first few years of marriage even the most “in love” couples will have moments where they don’t particularly care for each other. Perhaps they have a vicious argument. The husband, at work, dreads going home to face his wife and to merely dive back into the argument. He can hardly stand to look at her. So, he goes out for a beer with his work colleagues. Then a second. Then a third. It becomes easy to avoid each other, the argument never gets resolved, and Satan has his way – he has driven a couple apart from each other.  [CUT TO BLACK – ABRUPT MINOR CHORD]

A second scenario. The husband is at work and dreads going home to face his wife, but he knows that she is home with his infant son. He may not want to see his wife, but he is still in love with, and fascinated by his baby boy. So he goes home, perhaps grudgingly, but he goes home. He avoids his wife, but goes into the room where his baby is sleeping. He picks up this child and the emotional and psychological feelings of love – the ineffable parental bond – fill his heart. As he looks at the child whom he loves, the baby wakes up and smiles. He has his mothers dimples. He is reminded of the commitment of love he has for his wife. He takes the child into the living room and holds him out to his mother. He has his fathers eyes. The two resolve to sit down and work on their disagreement.  [THE MUSIC SWELLS]

A little florid?  Sure.  But don’t kid yourselves.  This is how life works.  It is how the Enemy of the Soul works and it is how we are hard wired to work.

A home run Father Z.

"Do you want to be married, or be a saint?"

So? I guess that's the choice we all face when discerning our vocations. To be married, or to be a saint. Actually, those are the words a past professor of mine once heard his daughter say when she was deciding what role to undertake while playing with others. For some reason those words always stay with me...

Now according to Raymond Arroyo, Mother Angelica said that the biographers of the saints should get 40 years in purgatory for making sainthood seem unattainable. Now of course sainthood is attainable. Chapter 5 of Vatican II's Lumen Gentium is even titled the "Universal Call to Holiness." The point of this chapter is simple: be holy, according to your state of life. Sounds good. Perhaps even simple.

The problem is that whole state of life thing. Not all states of life are equal, at least in practice. I can't help but think of this past Easter Triduum. You see, Becca and I really try to embrace the life of the Church. It is important for families to create ways to bring the liturgical year to life at home, be it dressing up for All Saints Day, making a lego passion scene on Good Friday, or hiding money on spy Wednesday (and walk around saying that Judas is "the bad one"). It's all important. The issue though is that these practices are separate from actual in-church practices. We can make Easter bread and paint eggs all we want, but what about actually going to the three hour Easter vigil? With little boys. Boys who never sleep in church. Or stop moving. Well this year we tried the vigil.

Here I am with the boys. It was one of the four or five times I took them outside during the vigil. We almost went out to Timmies at one point. But the only money I had was for the collection. Plus I think technically it was still a time of fasting. Every time we came back there was another reading going on. Now I love the Easter vigil, or at least beautiful and well done vigils. We attended such a vigil. But the boys, namely John Paul, chased me out for most of it. By the end they were zombies. Tired. Confused. Emotional (but still better than the other boys at the vigil!). It was tough slugging. We then went back to the hotel room for a little party, but they couldn't handle much of that, so we went to bed. John Paul then proceeded to sing in bed for a long while afterwards. How cute. We got up early the next morning to then attend the Easter morning Traditional Latin Mass. It was all so beautiful. Really. My soul gives a big *sigh* when I just think about it. The boys did very well there. We snagged some food after Mass and drove home. They were out instantly. When we got home we endured the seven most grueling, torturous, despairingly severe, and onerous hours of John Paul's life. You have not encountered misery until you've encountered John Paul deprived of sleep. If I had a nickel for every tear he cried I think I'd buy myself a country or two. Oh yeah, and it was his second birthday.

The Masses were so glorious. But attending them with the boys was, to put it politely, ambitious. Silly me! What was I thinking? Really now... trying to go to the Triduum with a young family! How utterly preposterous! I should know better. "Do you want to be married, or be a saint?" Well I made my choice long ago. Get over it!

No, I can't get over it. I wanted to attend the most important services in the liturgical year, with my family. It was extremely difficult. I think my soul benefited greatly, as did everyone else's. It just cost us nearly an entire week to get our lives back to normal. Do other vocations have such problems? Surely not! Just the married!

Until I actually started to think about it.

Consider the priests. Their Triduum is probably quite burdensome. Tons of planning. Then it comes and they are saying multiple Holy Thursday and Good Friday liturgies. The vigil is long, yet perhaps not entirely a prayerful sursum corda as it is a concern that everything goes off right. Easter Sunday contains more Masses. Oh, and there would be fasting and hearing confessions throughout the entire weekend. In short, it would be brutally exhausting. I have never, though, read a blog post written by a priest bemoaning the fact that priests are unable to prayerfully enjoy the Triduum because they are too busy, and too exhausted.

Consider the retired. Retired as in, er, elderly. Yes! No kids! They can pray, sing, and party as they see fit. Hmm. Think of the Triduum... Up. Down. Sit. Stand. Kneel. Long. Knees hurt. Hip replacement not working right. Can't hear a darn thing going on. So tired, haven't stayed up this late in a year! Oooow my knees again. Don't show pain. How much longer? And so it continues. I have yet to read a blog post written by an elderly person bemoaning the fact they they are unable to prayerfully enjoy the Triduum because their bodies are putting up a fuss. Not that they are into blogging, mind you.

Consider the single people. Grrrr you single people. No kids! Bodies in shape. They can pray, sing, and party as they see fit. Hmm again... My I look sharp tonight! Here we go. The Triduum. The priest is lighting the Paschal candle. Boy that must be amazing. I think I would like to do that some day. Lord, what is your will for me!?! Oh, look at that family over there with the two young boys being carried out, again. They must be so holy! And happy! Lord, perhaps I should be married? What is your will! Ahhhh. Lord, I NEED to know. I have no peace. Help me. I am in despair. And so it continues. I have yet to read a blogpost written by a single person bemoaning the fact that they are unable to focus on the Triduum because of their muddled minds and souls.

Ok, that last one was a bit of a stretch. The point is, though, that it's always something. There's always something that can potentially distract, or take away from, the grand (liturgical) and prayerful experience offered by Holy Mother Church. That something can become an excuse to throw the hands up in the air and resign oneself to a life of mediocrity. Perhaps Becca and I won't be able to take the kids to the vigil next year. Especially with a new baby. I would be saddened by that. We will be ambitious in our efforts to attend. Our souls pine for it. How ambitious I cannot say. Every state in life has it's struggles. Even with a Triduum. Whether something is possible or not, we cannot use our state of life as an excuse for not getting holy.  Perhaps the question is not: "Do you want to be married, or be a saint?" but rather: "Do you want to make excuses, or be a saint?" Amen.

Now if you'll excuse me, John Paul just woke up and is crying. I gotta go help. That should be worth 40 years off purgatory, right? Thank you, my state in life.

Marriage: Grape Expectations

Anniversaries of big events always get me thinking back to those times. Here are some ramblings...


April 9th, 2010

We finished the wedding rehearsal, and the wedding rehearsal meal. I'm sure Becca and I broke some revered wedding rehearsal meal traditions with it. Pizza and pop at a church rectory. No new outfits. No speeches. Just some food and hanging out. Becca and I went to the church to pray afterwards (which, I think, breaks the superstitious tradition of not seeing each other afterwards). We then went to our separate houses.

I'll never forget it. I ate a big bowl of grapes that night. All by myself! Give me a moment here while I let these words soak in... A big bowl of grapes, all by MYSELF. I mean a big bowl. I even watched hockey on T.V. while I ate. I haven't eaten a big bowl of grapes by myself since. Yep. Marriage is a big big change. Share share share. Give give give. Ever since then my life has changed dramatically (well duh). No more big bowl of grapes for me. Unless Becca and the kids are away. And the ironic thing is, if they do go away, I miss them too much to even care for grapes.

You just can't win.


April 10th, 2010

Back at the church in the morning for adoration and confession, with Becca. I always wanted to have three sacraments in one day, so it had to be this day. I blew it on my confirmation day. Not my fault though. I was confirmed in a hockey rink, over the penalty box, while the choir sang "Everything I Do, I Do it for You." Not a memorable grace-filled day to say the least. But the wedding day is. There's no blowing it this time. The next chance for three sacraments in one day would be on my deathbed (I'd better not blow that either).

Yes! I manage to get three sacraments in! I'm very competitive that way. I'm not sure who I'm competing against, but at least I know I have the upper grace hand over him or her. I can see myself looking at someone's wedding pictures some day... "oh very nice... did you get three sacraments that day? You didn't? Oh... that's too bad... really bad actually... I did, you know."

The wedding, I remember, seemed extremely short. In reality I think it was closer to two hours than one hour. The moment we stood there saying our vows can only be described as surreal. Before we went up to say them I whispered to Becca: "there's still time..." meaning there's still time to back out. She didn't appreciate my humour too much. Besides, if one of us backed out then I wouldn't get my three sacraments in. So we said our vows. You do what'ya gotta do. I distinctly remember looking out at the stained glass in the church while I stood there. Beautiful windows. I wonder how much they'd cost nowadays?... Whoops! Yep! Yes I accept her as my wife, and all... Could you even get those made anymore?... Yes, in sickness and in health... Maybe someone in the States or Italy could do them?... All the days of my life... Would they create them in Italy and then ship out pieces, or would the artist have to be flown out here to make them?... Amen.

The reception was very fun. Some things went right. Some things went wrong. Wise Dr. Cassidy, the president of OLSWA, once told me that as long as there is food on the table, and things look not-terrible, events usually go well. I think it was good. The food was great. I'm told by Becca that there were flowers there. So all must be well.


April 11th, 2010

People spend so much time planning a wedding! Although things need to be planned well, I am always saying that most of the time must be spent preparing for the day after the wedding. You know, the real marriage. Well I also always say to Becca that the day after our wedding was the worst day of my life. I joke. Slightly.

We were exhausted. Being always in the habit of waking up early, guess what? I woke up even earlier. So tired. After Mass we went and cleaned up the hall. More work. Then we went to visit family and friends. I distinctly remember being absolutely sick of all the attention. Leave me alone already. Go get some sacraments or something. Then the van we were about one hour away from inheriting was discovered dented, with the denter in question never to be found (except someday in hell, I'm sure). It was so tiring. I just wanted a big bowl of grapes and to watch hockey. But for the first time in my adult life I was denied this necessity. And I knew that marriage had begun.


April 12th, 2010

Let the honeymoon begin! Becca and I took off for Montreal, with a pit stop in Ottawa, after morning Mass. Mass in itself was an adventure that morning, with Fr. getting into a near shouting match with some wacky woman intent on proclaiming that the third secret of Fatima was not revealed yet. But we left for our honeymoon. Just Becca and I, heading out in our newly dented van... my family in the back seats.

We had to drive them to the airport in Ottawa. It's the least we could do, really. Becca and I were so grateful that they came, despite the many expenses. They dropped everything and came. Yowza we're grateful.

So we dropped them off. I then got lost in Ottawa. But we eventually made it to Montreal. We had a very fun time in Montreal and Trois Riviere. We saw many neat places and people. I'll spare you the stories. It was wonderful.


April 17th, 2010

Our first fight as a married couple. We were tired when we returned from our trip. We decided to make nice chicken salads for supper. I was frying up some chicken. Becca was cutting up some veggies. There's just one problem, Becca was cutting the cucumbers for the salads into quarters. I quickly corrected her and told her they had to be in thin loonie shapes. Nope. She was doing quarters. But, I reasoned with her, professional chefs cut them in loonie shapes. Needless to say, we didn't even meet halfway and do semi-circles. We just argued about it. I slammed the door and went out for a walk to find some grapes. Not really. I just thought about doing that. In reality, we stewed for a while, and then finally realized our silliness. We made up. We grew from it. In short. I realized, for the first time in my life, the road to holiness was about to be different. It was about to become a life of giving up my own will, or at least trying, for the sake of others. To sacrifice. To finally, for the first time in my life, learn to live a non self-centered life. I can't believe that I've been doing it for five years already. Five years of it. What a thrill. What a cross. What a blessing. What a life. A true, meaningful, life. Thankfully I'm doing this with the very best at my side.

Happy Anniversary Dear!

You've turned my grapes into the most beautiful wine.

Vacation of Marriage

I bumped into our neighbour the other day. He recently moved into the house across the street. The house was his cousin's, but she passed away during the summer. So now he lives there. All alone. Just the eerie blue glow of the T.V. at night to let us know he's still alive. I'm not creepy I swear.

So we, or rather mainly he, chatted for a bit. It was a friendly little chat. He spoke quite freely. Too freely, actually. I learned that he's from California. Goes to the Anglican Church. Is a Mason. You know, ordinary stuff. What? Huh!? Anyway, I helped pull out his recycling bin for him, and then went home.

But there was one part of the conversation I just couldn't shake. He very openly told me how he was in his 70s, got married 54 years ago, but then recently divorced his wife. Oh they still talk frequently on the phone. They have five kids and ten grandkids. All is good. But you know, he rather enjoys being on his own now. It's a nice free life.

Not that I by any means know his situation, yet I cannot fathom being married to someone for over 50 years and then simply getting a divorce and moving on. Yes our human love is finite, since we are finite creatures. But married love, with Christ in the centre, is meant to be elevated to the Divine. How does a marriage fall apart after 50 years?

It reminds me once of a story a good priest once told me. This priest knew another priest who taught for many years, and lived in good standing with the Church. When this teaching priest finally retired from active ministry he immediately requested to be laicized, and then he married some woman. Just like that. The story nearly caused the good priest who was telling me the story to despair. It was just so blatant an attempt to slap the Church in the face.

Speaking in general terms again (i.e. not judging individuals here), the moral of this is that there are no days off from our vocations; we are to persevere to the complete and bitter end. Now no one becomes suddenly bad. It develops over time, often without our knowing. I would suggest that no vocation goes suddenly awry either. But the signs of trouble must be noticed early, if not daily, and rooted out. Could such stories above happen to anyone? Well, but for the grace of God, there go I. In the end, a vocation is one that requires daily work. Daily effort. Daily prayer. Daily humility. Even after 50 years. Otherwise I suppose one could end up alone. With nothing but the eerie blue glow of a T.V. to let others know you're still alive. A tragic ending.

There is no vacation from your vocation.

Gaudium et Spes

It is tempting to let my brain turn to mush now that I am no longer working on my M.A. But that would be a shame now wouldn't it? This big beautiful brain of mine... Not that constant teaching and re-teaching grade 5ers how to properly use capital letters and periods isn't stimulating. But some days I can only handle so many page long "sentences." So this following post is just a short theological review, more for my own sake. If you learn something, great. If you skip over it, well, I'm hurt and deeply offended and I hope your puppy pees in your corn flakes. The topic I have chosen is Gaudium et Spes.

Now Gaudium et Spes is actually the Vatican II Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World. Church documents usually are lacking in the title department. When I think of Gaudium et Spes, I think of St. John Paul II. He is often credited with being the mastermind behind this document. And when I think of St. John Paul II, I think of Charles Dickens. Don't you?

For instance:

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way..." - Introduction to A Tale of Two Cities

vs.

"The joys and the hopes, the griefs and the anxieties of the men of this age, especially those who are poor or in any way afflicted, these are the joys and hopes, the griefs and anxieties of the followers of Christ. Indeed, nothing genuinely human fails to raise an echo in their hearts. For theirs is a community composed of men..." Introduction to Gaudium et Spes


The Dickens I say! Yes, Gaudium et Spes is a little wordy, in a very profound sort of way, but still worth the read. Why? Because it actually plants the seeds for future teachings.


What's it all about?

Essentially Gaudium et Spes teaches on the dignity of man and what this means as the Church tries to guide souls to Christ in the midst of these crazy modern times. What is this dignity? “[The] dignity of man rests above all on the fact that he is called to communion with God" (par. 19). To live this out, many important topics are discussed such as the human intellect, conscience, freedom, moral relativism, as well the dangers of atheism and the need to act for the common good (par. 15-21, 30). However, there is one important topic I will go into slightly greater detail with: marriage.


Mawwiage

Love Humanae Vitae? St. John Paul II actually laid the groundwork for it in Gaudium et Spes. Gaudium et Spes comes out by boldly proclaiming marriage and the family to be so vital to society that once the family disintegrates, so too does society (par. 47). Paul VI would late echo this sentiment. May I also, in my own non-Papal way, echo this sentiment. As a teacher I can firmly conclude that the biggest scourge I face at school is actually that far too many of the kids I teach come from broken homes. It is devastating. Why, at this very instance one of my students is dealing with his parents breaking up. The boy, the kindest happiest boy you'd ever meet, is a totally different person. In many ways he's shell-shocked. The dignity of the human person demands a total self giving in marriage. Divorce, polygamy, the spirit of free-love, are all condemned by Gaudium et Spes not because God wants us to be boring or something, but because they attack the dignity of the human person and the person's true calling (par. 47). They devastate lives. 

But Gaudium et Spes doesn't stop at divorce, polygamy, and free-love (if you know what I mean), it tackles contraception. Gaudium et Spes teaches that, in accord with human dignity, the two ends of marriage, unity and procreation, must be preserved. The very dignity of the human person demands a total giving of self in love, and this love must never be separated from God’s plan in marriage. That would be like trying to remove letters from words, or hockey from Canada, or food from John Paul's mouth (my John Paul, not St. John Paul...). In other words, the developing contraceptive mentality of the world is stated by Gaudium et Spes as being contrary to the life-giving, loving, and faith-filled atmosphere which the Church prizes through the sacrament and role of marriage in society. Thus, Gaudium et Spes rightly states: “the Church issues the reminder that a true contradiction cannot exist between the divine laws pertaining to the transmission of life and those pertaining to authentic conjugal love” (par. 51). BAM! Human dignity demands that openness to life is inseparable from marriage.

Hey you. Wake up! I'll stop, I promise. But you need to know this, Gaudium et Spes presents undeniable philosophical reasoning which must continue guide the Church in these modern times. You know, for instance, in case there was ever a Synod on the family or something... Morality, human dignity, and our eternal end is not something made up by the Church, it comes from the source of all truth, God. 

And if you understand this you're more Catholic than those German cardinals out there. 
But don't just understand this. Live it.