Oh, goodness. I'm not sure if I even know how to blog anymore. So let's start with a grand ol' mish-mash to update you on this year. Yes, this year that we are mere weeks into.

{one}
Just before New Years I wounded up on the couch after throwing out my back. Not sure how. Maybe it was almost wiping out as I walked the icy path in skates to the rink one night with Emilie. A few days later and a couple great books and I was good to go.

{two}
Shortly after, Emilie became sick: coughing, rough nights, and constipated. Really constipated. Eventually, I took her to the doctor. She had an ear infection that might have gone away, but the doctor suggested antibiotics for a few days to clear it up and help with #2. It did. Very much so. But a week or so later, she got a rash. Apparently a side effect of the antibiotics. Eventually, it went away.

{three}
This seems wrong to put this as a bullet point on an otherwise insignificant list. Around this time, John Paul began getting a bloody nose turned rashy nose/mouth. Another weekend trip to ER got us ointment for impetigo. 24 hrs later we went back to ER because it become a rash on his face and core. The doctor decided to put him on an IV then and there, and arrange it so we would come in every 8hrs for antibiotics.

It was heartbreaking to see our 4 year old so sick. Less than 24 later, we went back for another dose and the doctor on ER was not happy (truthfully, neither were we). John Paul seemed to only be getting worse, not better. Blood work, calls to pediatricians and specialists in the province, and the quick decision to send John Paul to the Pediatrics unit in Prince Albert 1.5hr drive away blew our minds and our day.

And thus is happened that John Paul and I went by air ambulance to Pediatrics ICU late last Monday night. In the moment, you do all you can to just be there for your kid, to concentrate on what doctors are saying, but when I looked at him my heart was breaking. He was unrecognizable, he might nod or shake his head, answer "yes" and "no" sometimes to me, but barely talked. It all happened so quickly.

We spent 2 days in Pediatrics. Our local team was incredible to evaluate and get us there when we needed to go. All John Paul's blood work and skin cultures came back normal. They determined he had Stevens-Johnson syndrome, a rare and serious disorder of skin and mucous membranes. Despite our poor boy's symptoms, he was lucky to be a mild/med case. We had no way of knowing why it happened in his case. Thanks to heavy duty antibiotics, IV drip, and the good care of the Pediatricians, we were able to come home with a boy well on his way back to his normal craziness. To us, it looked like a miracle. He is recovering really well.

{four}
Emilie has reached a whole new level of constant talking. Can't keep a talker quiet. She asks questions all day, every day: "Why... you making food ...you doing laundry ...I need socks?" But often when you ask her a question, like say, "Why do you ask so many dumb questions?" she just answers, "I donno."

Her favourite things include food, helping mom make food, babies, and cuddling. You'd think she also likes whining, the amount she does it. We hear constantly, "More food please!" from when she gets up until when she goes to bed. Favourites include everything she should eat in moderation, like cheese, milk, ice cream, M&Ms, and cereal, but we have recently added roasted broccoli and peppers to her list. We have a few friends with newish babies, as well as a couple cousins under a year old. Emilie likes nothing better than pictures of babies and holding babies and talking about babies. If she sees a baby on TV (a commercial, perhaps) she wants to go back to the "baby show".

{five}
We are experiencing "extreme" cold conditions this week. -40 this morning and then add at least 10 degrees colder for wind. I've read stuff about this Danish/Norwegian word "hygge" meaning a "mood of coziness and comfortable conviviality with feelings of wellness and contentment" according to Wikipedia (ha). Actually, in some parts of the internet it's a crazy-popular notion that seems all the rage. However, if this is a lifestyle, it's currently us. Stay indoors, do lots of schoolwork around the kitchen table, read lots of books under cozy blankets, listen to music, drink tea, and eat lots of food (Emilie's currently asking for food... again.). Socialization is overrated. So long as it's -40 out.

{six}
John Paul is recovering... as I said. We're a week out from the hospital now and he's lost almost all his skin everywhere due to peeling, but is almost done the process. It's been frustrating and itchy for him, but he is an amazing trouper. We were told over and over what a tough and brave kid he was.

These days, John Paul is constantly colouring, cutting, taping, and generally creating. I had to make a rule that kids ask for more paper when they want it. John Paul's most frequent question for me: “Mom, can I have another piece of paper?” I opted to have the kids each have their own roll of tape back in the spring (so they would stop taking mine!) and John Paul has definitely been through more than his share of rolls. He also enjoys writing numbers, counting, and doing math work.

Although we do lots of school work all together at the kitchen table every morning, I can also count on John Paul to entertain and generally playing with Emilie for long amounts of time. Emilie goes around telling us, "John Paul my buddy!" Lego and Playmobile stories and re-enactments, morning culddles with mom, and breakfast indecision are biggies for John Paul these days.

{seven}
And Joseph. We are deep in the middle of hockey season. Twice a week practices, and weekend games or tournaments have Joseph (and any number of us) out at the rink watching Novice hockey. He's always been a good little skater, short, but very fast. He's enjoying trying out different positions this year and scoring goals for his little sister. At night, he and John Paul are usually hanging out in the basement playing mini-sticks, taking practice shots at specific basement stairs, or out on our little backyard rink.

Despite his frequent complaints, Joseph mostly enjoys school. He's definitely reached that "age of reason" where we know he knows exactly what's right and wrong. Hopefully, he'll receive his First Confession in the next month or so... we just have to do the "practice" confession at home! In his spare time, Joseph reads a crazy number of books, plays solitaire or Kings in the Corners with John Paul, listens to world history audio books, and entertains us with fireworks at night made with his snap circuit electrical set.

The Long Road of Peace Goes Through Covington

"Peace, man."

The existential cry of the hippy lives on in the Catholic Church. While prolife, male, white, Catholic teenagers from Covington are subject to virulent unicorn-esque condemnations from the liberals of America, a large portion of Catholics are guilty of having joined in on the mob attack. Some Catholics have since retreated, perhaps grasping at some natural reality that black is not white, up not down, and receiving death threats because of one's prolife, male, white Catholicity is not actually criminal, at least not this time. Yet rather than take the next logical step of actually defending the Covington teens, many Catholics are simply content to offer a "peace, man", and let those prolifers fend for themselves.

For instance, at Bishop Barron's ingratiating website we encounter the typical hippy Catholic mantra. Writer Elizabeth Scalia opines that we must do better at being peaceful, and that we should just appreciate the anthem: "Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me"? I am not making this up. In other words: "Peace, man", unless of course you are a prolife, male, white Catholic.

This is not what peace is. Peace is not simply an absence of war, all the while possessing inner serenity. Peace requires justice. Justice requires order. Order requires action. When seventeen year old pro-life, male, white Catholics are attacked by racist and hateful bigots, it is not peaceful to retreat in order to find one's inner strength and harmony. Life happens in real time. Virtue must be habitual and readily applicable. Evil must be immediately fought when presented. How long must people retreat before they decide they are personally peaceful enough to defend an innocent person? One day? One week? One year? Justice at times demands immediate action. Inner peace is not achievable while omitting one's Christian duty.

Consider Samwise Gamgee in The Lord of the Rings. He is presented with a glimpse into the future by the Marian-like Queen Galadriel. Sam observes that the Shire is not what it should be, and he even shouts out: "There's that Ted Sandyman a-cutting down trees as he shouldn't. […] I wish I could get at Ted, and I'd fell him!"

Sam demands to return to the Shire. His aiding Frodo in conquering the powers of evil is lost on him; he would rather save some pleasant trees near his home. Sam's demand is ultimately for personal wants, and not for true peace and order.

The Mirror of Galadriel by Alan Lee

Galadriel gently reminds Sam that he is pressed into service for a greater deed, and that if he chooses to reject his duty he will never encounter true peace in his own land of the Shire. In other words, peace in our own lives is fettered to fighting evil.

The story continues with Sam sitting on the ground in deep thought. Shaken by his vision, he becomes at war with himself. Finally, he offers: "I wish I had never come here, and I don't want to see no more magic,' […] and fell silent. After a moment he spoke again thickly, as if struggling with tears. 'No, I'll go home by the long road with Mr. Frodo, or not at all.'"

Inner peace is needed; however, inner peace requires we fight the injustice presented to us. Peace is not simply retreating to one's pseudo-harmonious life, but rather it is, as Sam discovers, a long and difficult road of fighting for what is right. Indeed, in some cases the long road of peace goes through Covington.

The Legacy of St. John Paul II: Is It Time to Be Afraid?

"His name is John...   ...Paul."

With that our second child was entrusted to the benevolent intercession of the only Pope my wife and I knew for the majority of our, then young, lives. Exactly one month later this same Pope was canonized to the heavenly hall of fame. An estimated four million pilgrims arrived in Rome for the canonization ceremony. I will be so bold as to proclaim that these pilgrims did not come simply to honor John XXIII's canonization (the second miracle perhaps being that he was in fact canonized). Pope Saint John Paul II was enshrined as a saint in heaven, and the rest is history.

Or so I thought. History takes time in revealing itself. 

But it is best to start at the beginning. Pope John Paul II was a celebrity Pope much admired by Catholics such as myself. His personal holiness was inspiring. Knowing that the Pope said three rosaries daily, confessed most frequently, had a tender devotion to Our Lady, and even miraculously survived an assassination attempt, was a source of comfort and inspiritment. It did not hurt that even the impeccable Padre Pio once revealed that this Karol Wojtyla was destined for greatness in the Church. The Pope was not just a rock but a rock star.

This greatness was unabashedly promoted by Catholics throughout his pontificate. I recall hearing a homily by a priest who eagerly told us young Mass goers: "Do not be afraid!" To add zeal, the priest spoke these words in a pretend Polish accent. We listened fervently to the saying of our living saint. It never occurred to me that the priest was attempting to reach the people not through Christ's words to His apostles, but rather by John Paul II's introductory words of papal election. As if Our Lord was unable to reach our hearts the way that the Pope could. Admittedly there was a grain of truth to this. Nevertheless, the Pope's words, even as taken from Christ Himself, were of inestimable value and truly changed young people's lives.

A further consideration of Pope Saint John Paul II's esteemed greatness was found in his admirable writings. The depth and wisdom of Fides et Ratio, Veritatis Splendor, The Theology of the Body and many others works were sorely needed in the Spirit of Vatican II Catholicism which pervaded throughout his pontificate. I remember the intellectual wonderment I experienced as I first studied his writings while I attended Our Lady Seat of Wisdom College in Northern Ontario. I would open up Fides et Ratio and immediately encounter: "Faith and reason are like two wings on which the human spirit rises to the contemplation of truth." With but a half sentence Pope John Paul II could forcefully counter the tenets of Luther or modern philosophy. Indeed, his writings were, and still are, fresh air to the Church. It seems like forever since we read the works of a Pope and immersed our minds in deep intellectual and spiritual truth, versus reading an encyclical in search of potential heresies.

It is during my undergraduate studies at Our Lady Seat of Wisdom College, located on a road called Karol Wojtyla Square, that Pope John Paul II passed from this world. I was instructed to ring the church bells to inform the local community. It was the second time I rang the bells for his death. The first time, if you remember, was when false reports came out of an earlier death. As a wise man once said: "I'm not dead yet!" But when I rang the bells for the final time it was a haunting feeling. A snowstorm was growing. The power was knocked out. The air felt electric. I congregated around a fireplace with some other male students late that night and we apocalyptically discussed the end of an era, and what would become of the Church. Our naive youthfulness believed that the Church would only ever have saintly pontiffs to guide us through these apprehensive times. Perhaps this wide-eyed belief was upheld weeks later, but not years later.

At the time of Pope John Paul II's death a student remarked that we now had a great intercessor in heaven. A wise and respected professor was nearby and he immediately took up issue with this claim of a guaranteed beatific vision for the Pope. The professor explained carefully that no man on earth has more responsibility than the Holy Father, and that even partial errors of judgment could have immense and far-reaching adverse effects on the Church and world. While initially being bothered by these comments, they nevertheless clung to me. Deep down I knew the professor was right. There were always lingering doubts about the changes in canon law, ever-present liturgical abuses, abhorrent bishop and cardinal appointments, and the sexual abuse scandal of 2002. Always these concerns were sidestepped. The Pope had been old and sick. He was not perfect.

Life flew by. I immensely enjoyed the pontificate of Benedict XVI. Pope Francis arrived. So did a shiny little pill, red in color. This brings us now to the present. It is in the midst of Francis' pontificate that the historical view of Pope John Paul II is now truly being revealed. Those many "lingering doubts" seem to be, in this year 2019, about to be brought to light. The corruption and filth within the Church is already being revealed at a torrential rate. How long until we discover why the Pope allowed Marcial Maciel immunity as head of the Legion of Christ until 2005? How long until we ascertain the true story of ex-Cardinal McCarrick, with the full revelation of his money trail and cover ups? How long until we grasp the changes in the 1983 canon law which relinquished treating consensual adult relationships of clergy as canonical crimes? It is only out of respect for Pope John Paul II that I limit these questions to three.

Inevitably we must ask: What should we do? I believe we must let it all play out. We just do not know enough. I have heard people argue that the old and sickly Pope John Paul II was simply used, like how Grima Wormtongue used King Théoden in The Lord of the Rings. Yet the profundity of Pope John Paul II's writings in and of themselves contradict the idea of his being lacking in mental capacity. I have also witnessed people argue that Pope John Paul II was used, willingly or unwillingly, by the infamous St. Gallen's Mafia, with claims going so far as declaring the Pope in partnership with communists. The spiritual works of the Pope also carry themselves contrary to these radical claims. Not to mention the fall of communism throughout his pontificate. No, I believe we simply let it all play out. Believe what you will for the moment, and I personally want to believe the best, or at least the best intentions, for the Polish Pope. Yet the truth must come out, whatever the truth may be.

For all that I have written, it is perhaps fitting to end by examining a story shared by James Grein. Now many now have seen Dr. Taylor Marshall's interviews with James Grein, Grein being the man who very courageously came forward with allegations of having suffered sexual abuse at the hands of "Uncle Teddy" McCarrick, starting when Grein was only eleven years old. In Dr. Marshall's January 3rd video Grein speaks of a private meeting he had with Pope John Paul II in 1987 concerning McCarrick:

"I told him [Pope John Paul II] everything I know. He had a moment of quiet. Said he'd do something about it. Gave me a crucifix. And a letter for my father. Blessed me. We sat there. Quiet meditation. Ten minutes. Quietly praying for what we just went through." 

Grein then goes on:

"The Pope was pretty sick that day. His mind's not all there. He told me that. He was having a hard time. And it was very difficult for him to do a lot of things by himself a lot. So we... I have compassion for him for that. And he said to me basically in his broken English, he says: 'Son you are a very strong man and some day this will all come to light for you, and you will be blessed. You have courage to come here, imagine what you're going to have when Jesus really enters your life.' And I've been living that. Waiting patiently for my day to come."

As a caveat, James Grein admits to suffering PTSD stemming from the abuse he received, and at times his thoughts are not in perfect order. Yet I do believe the veracity of Grein's story, for it fits both narratives described above. One of a Pope who actually did little or nothing to stop abusers, nor punish them. Another of a holy man well acquainted with suffering and prayer who, for whatever reason we cannot say, was having a "hard time" getting things done. James Grein's little account reveals much, yet also speaks volumes for how little we do know. 

In the end, I say stay watchful and continue to pray fervently this 2019. Additionally, remember that our own lives also will one day be revealed in the final judgment. As I glance over at my four year old, sweet but fiery John Paul, I understand now more than ever that these are gut-wrenching times to be a Catholic. All I can do is recall words long-echoed in my mind from my youth, words spoken first by Our Lord Himself: "Do not be afraid."