When I lived on my own I actually kept quite busy. I worked 30 hours a week at the Academy. I did 20 hours a week of course work for my Master's degree. I altar-served and did sacristan work for Father Shalla for 8-10 Masses a week. I did all my workouts, runs, and sports games too (more sports games, in fact). I also was able to help others more. I helped families move into new houses. I volunteered at BBQs. I was involved setting up events at the church. I helped out with the adoration group. I even took the time to visit regularly with my elderly landlords. My, what a holy vocation single life was!
What a selfish life it was, I say!
For all the things that I volunteered at, and spent time and energy on, they were all on my own terms. Everything revolved around what worked for my own schedule, and whether or not I needed to rest instead, or some time away, or time and space to cook myself a nice supper, or just whatever. Very seldom did I do anything that was not more than a minor inconvenience to me. Though the world needs single people, for they can be more dedicated than married people to helping out in a community, I must admit that I didn't know how to actually give of my time and energy until Joseph came along.
With a little family there is nothing that I do on my own terms. It's all on Joseph's terms! Want to go to the city for the weekend? Joseph's been cranky and it would be a disaster so forget it! Want to go out for ice cream? Becca and Joseph are still off the dairy so forget it! Need an hour or two in the evening to work on a course? Joseph needs someone to play with so forget it! Need some peace and quiet? Joseph's been whining all day so forget it! Dead tired and need to sleep? Joseph will have a really rough night and wake up every 30 minutes so forget it! You get the idea.
I think of how when I was single I occasionally filled in for people at adoration at 2am. It was such a difficult thing for me to do! Imagine, having to get up at 1:40am, run across town in the cold, and then stay awake for an hour of "prayer" before running back home and hoping to get to sleep. Why, I used to be in such a bad mood the day after such ordeals! Yet, now that I think of it, the people I used to fill in for at 2am were all dads with large families. They were probably so used to being up at all hours of the night that going to weekly adoration at 2am was no big deal for them. Heck, it was probably the most quiet they got at night! This goes to show just how tough you have to be to have a family. And boy does it take time and pain to get there (for the record, I'm definitely not "there" yet).
Now that I've been home alone for the week, I once again see how much free time single people have. The fact is that no matter how busy I was as a single person, I always had that time from 8-10pm every night just for myself, just to do whatever I want. But now Becca and I get about 1 to 5 minutes (and seriously, no more than 5 minutes) of time to read and relax each night, from the time Joseph falls asleep until we need to get some sleep. Everything we do is on somebody else's terms.
I keep thinking how blessed and lucky we are! Monks and nuns spiritually live and die by how obedient they are to their superiors. Their lives are not their own. Yet marriage is so profoundly similar to the Religous life (minus the opportunity for daily Mass, adoration, confession... you know what I mean). The idea of not living according to our own wants and desires, and of always sacrificing and giving, is inherently spiritually sanctifying (minus the complaining we all do). In other words, this week on my own has taught me one thing for certain:
that I would never want to go back to the single life.
Though perhaps for selfish reasons too.